Yes, Virginia, There Are Stupid Giraffe Questions

Not Knowing is One Thing; Not Thinking is Different Entirely

Remember during your first couple years of elementary school when your nice teachers who weren’t yet jaded by years of irrational, overly demanding parents and poorly raised children used to tell you that there were no stupid questions? They lied.

Don’t take that too hard; they were horrible, lying people. They also told me I could be anything I wanted, but my dreams of growing up to be a professional shampoo commercial actor were cruelly dashed when I started losing noticeable amounts of hair at 17 years old to male pattern baldness. Liars.

The point is that the “no stupid questions” myth is complete mularkey, and I’ve brought my giraffe friends here along today to help me demonstrate. You see, it is okay to not know things; that’s perfectly acceptable. That was the sentiment your teachers were trying to convey. What they forgot to point out is that it is not okay to just lazily abandon all attempts at thought.

I volunteer (sometimes multiple days per week) at the local zoo to facilitate the interaction between zoo visitors and the zoo’s two giraffes. The interaction concept is pretty simple: You pay a dollar; I hand you a couple servings of leaves or lettuce; and you walk up and offer it to the giraffes, who, theoretically, will eat it.

I can see I’ve already lost a number of you at “theoretically”. Don’t worry, you’re in plenty of company. You see, one of the things a shockingly large number of people have trouble understanding is that it’s difficult to convince giraffes that just because you paid the zoo for some leaves, they (the giraffes) are then contractually obligated to come over to you and eat the leaves. It’s probably one of the reasons you see so few giraffe lawyers.

We’re getting ahead of ourselves, though. Back to the difference between an acceptable giraffe question and a stupid giraffe question. The reason that I choose to volunteer at the giraffe feeding experience is because I think giraffes are really amazing. I’ve felt that way…